How Much Marriage Counseling Helps to Prevent Divorce?
Can marriage counseling help two people rescue their relationship? How much does it depend on the therapist? These are pretty moot questions. Yes they are, because there are men and women, and we are so different that no book or theory can comprehend what, where, how and why we do and how it affects our relationships. Well, does it work? Sometimes it does, sometimes not. It depends on many factors.
First of all, it depends on what kind of problem you and your wife have, h it originated, and whether or not you really want to stay together. It depends on how ready and willing you are to strike a happy medium with your partner. Are you really asking your consultant to help you save your marriage? Or do you mean you just looking for a relatively peaceful way to break up? Once the therapist figures out what the problem is, he or she will tell you what. This may be ‘yes’ or ‘no’.
Recently, the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists carried out a research, which revealed a more than 98% satisfaction level. Most patients noted good and excellent work of therapists and getting the help they had sought for. According to a recent study in the “Journal of Marital and Family Therapy”, counseling proves helpful in 70%
There is, however, a different statistics. Analysts say that about 25% of couples confess to things getting worse after a couple of years, and almost 40% of couples break up five years after a session. Many scientists put to doubt the effectiveness of marriage counseling. E. P. Seligman Ph. D agrees that there are more effective ways to improve marital relationships than counseling.
Scientists have come up with some conclusions as to when marriage counseling works and when it does not.
When does counseling work?
- When both man and woman are motivated to preserve their relationship and are ready to look at the problem from different angles
- When partners have developed a desire to use the consultant’s help in detecting the source of the conflict.
- When partners seek to improve mutual communication and interaction and learn to trust each other.
- When partners make it clear to both themselves and the therapist why they want to return to the best phase of their marriage.
- When both partners feel ready to accept and forgive each others’ faults and drawbacks and carry on.
When does it fail?
- When at least one of the partners is determined to end the relationship and uses a visit to a therapist as a pretext to say it. In this case, marriage counseling actually becomes divorce counseling.
- Various types of abuse (verbal, physical, etc.) that have taken place in the family over time and the resulting safety concerns.
- Failure to establish a fairly trustful relationship between the partners and the therapist.
- The therapist does not have experience and/or qualification necessary to handle marriage problems.
It is all in your hands!
As follows from the above, whether or not marriage counseling is effective, depends on how much you want to save your marriage. If you do not really want to carry on together, there is no counselor in the world to pick up the pieces of what is left of your relationship. If that is the case, it is most advisable to stop torturing each other and wasting time, efforts and money!